“Din,” says Bahana, putting down the rod, “I need you to listen. There is a divide between you and this saber, and we need to bridge that.” She is closer to him now, her voice lower. “Think back. The Darksaber came to you in a time of solitude. You’d lost your ship, your home, you’d broken your creed, and soon after that, you were parted from Grogu. How did you feel?”
“I didn’t focus on that.” Replies the Mandalorian.
“I need you to go back there in your mind and tell me what was going on inside.”
Din lets out an almost exasperated sigh, closes his eyes, and after a moment says, “Bahana, I can’t–“ but when he opens his eyes again, he is back on Tython in the shallow crater that was once his Razor Crest. Breathless, he looks around: gaskets and droid parts, glass and broken panels, the double-barreled pistol Bahana crafted him all those years ago on Odesssen, now in shambles. Look inward. This is unfamiliar to him, but he’s tried everything else and he’s grown frustrated and weary. He trusts Bahana. Din places his hand on the center of his abdomen and closes his eyes.
Grogu is gone. They’ve taken him. I watched them ascend with him further and further away, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Din breathes deeply. All of my strength, all of my ferocity, all of my deadliness, and still there was nothing I could do to stop them.
Something pulls him. Anger? Not quite. Fear? No, something else. Whatever it is, it waits near him, like a door that’s become ajar. Din pushes it open, enters the memory and allows himself to feel.
Helplessness. I failed. I lost. I couldn’t keep Grogu safe. Why did I leave him on that rock? Why did I walk away and leave him alone?
When else had Din felt helpless?
Suddenly, he’s a boy again. His red cloak is a bit rough against his cheek, which is wet with tears. He puts a hand to it – it’s cold and soft with youth.
When I was a boy, hiding in that bomb shelter while everyone died around me. Small, scared.
Scared. I felt scared when Grogu was taken. How long had I been scared?
His mind races through as many times as he can remember feeling scared.
On Trask, when the Quarren threw Grogu to that sea creature and I dove in after him but could not get to him. I pleaded at the grate, drowning and desperate.
His breathing picks up, as he remembers drowning under the hull of that ship – the water under his helmet choking him like a pillow.
Why didn’t I dive into that monster’s mouth after Grogu? Because I couldn’t breathe. But so what? I should have done it anyway. What if the other Mandalorians hadn’t showed up when they did? Grogu would be gone devoured by those terrible teeth! Grogu must have been so scared and he must have been so scared when he was stolen on Tython not knowing what was going to happen to him how they were going to hurt him or what they were going to do.
Din remembers when Bahana had been stabbed.
She fell to the floor blood pouring from her stomach. I was scared I would lose her and I felt so helpless. How could I have let that happen? I was supposed to protect her I was supposed to protect Grogu That is the Creed That is the way I’m a disappointment to my people.
The flood gates are open.
“The flood gates are open.” Bahana’s voice brings him back to the present, like waking from a dream. Din’s face is twisted in pain and focus. He takes the saber from his belt and ignites it. It’s less heavy than before, and he can feel a faint surge of energy in his senses. But still, it is unwieldy.
“It feels lighter, but it’s still like moving through water.”
“Be patient with yourself, Din. You’ve only just begun.”
_________
Onward,
SparrowBoy
Writing stories & taking names
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